Meet the Caretakers
Our staff at D-Prep Daycare was carefully selected from literally hundreds of billions qualified applicants. You can rest easy knowing that only the top people in their respective fields are working around the clock to rejuvenate your baby.
Alex Cheng
Kurt Gassman
Chris Drachkovitch
Fitness Coach
(Art Director)
(Art Director)
Musical
Guidance Technician (Copywriter)
Cognitive-Behavior
Specialist (Strategist)
Alex Cheng takes
scrawny little wimps and turns them into full-blown baby beefcakes. He
got his degree from the one school that counts. The streets. And also the Gold’s
Gym Academy For Gettin’ Swole where he pioneered a new form of baby-friendly
aerobic martial arts called Goo Goo Ga Ga Kwan Do.
Kurt received his
PHD in Good Tunes with an Emphasis in Sweet Jams from the Music Academy of
Everything Indie in Portland, Oregon where he listened to a lot of bands you’ve
never heard of. Whatever your baby’s jam is, Kurt will make sure that musical
self-expression is not an issue.
Chris recently
earned his PhD in Thinking from the University of Brain Thingies, and if he can
think it, he can do it! He’ll keep the crazies away and turn your mentally
undeveloped baby into a miniature philosopher before you can say Adrastus of Aphrodisias.
Huan Nguyen
Paola Pachon
Prit Patel
Artist-in-Residence
(Designer)
(Designer)
Nutritionist GURU
(UX Designer)
(UX Designer)
New Age Spirituality Coach (Copywriter)
Dr. Huan uses his extensive background in the arts to
make sure the environment your baby enters is as aesthetically pleasing as
possible. Huan received his Masters of Fine Arts in Fine Arts from
the Thomas Kinkade School for Fine Artists.
You are what you
eat, as the old adage goes. Paola Pachon got her Masters in Food Science from
Protein Shake University so she knows exactly what to put inside your baby.
From malnourishment to multivitamins is her motto and she puts it to use every
day.
Your baby has a
life force, a spiritual energy that connects it to the world. Enter Prit Patel,
our Spirituality Coach. He’s Indian, so you know he’s good. In addition to the
natural affinity for all things mystical granted by his heritage, Prit received
a doctorate in Zen studies from UC Calcutta.
Eugene Chang
Joe Simek
In-House Pediatrician
(Art Director)
(Art Director)
Social Development Specialist
(Strategist)
(Strategist)
A graduate from the
most Prestigious Medical School you can think of, Eugene once used a makeshift
defibrillator he made from a triple-A battery to revive a baby that had been
dead for three and a half months. From routine blood tests to stinky
stool samples, Dr. Eugene Chang is dedicated to ensuring the health of your
baby. And he cooks too, ladies.
Meet Joe Simek, our
Director of Social Development. Joe has several degrees from the prestigious
Child Rearing Institute of Technology in Florence, Italy. Coming off his
long tenured research grant at CRIT, Joe is equipped with the latest in
sociability strategies and techniques to guarantee that your baby plays nice.
